Today a six-year-old girl, I'll call her "Jane," looked me straight in the eye, and said "Konichiwa." She was, I'm sure, showing me in her own little way that she knows a little something about a culture outside of her family's experience. I'm sure any Japanese person would have been delighted that a blonde-haired girl said hello in Japanese. However, we're not Japanese -- we're Korean. In the mind of many Koreans, to be confused with a Japanese is akin to a Jew being confused with a German. Sure, we look similar. Sure, to the untrained eye (and even to many "trained" eyes) all Asians look alike. Just like blondes all look alike. (Trust me -- I'm really bad at telling people apart! Ask my husband -- I can never get any actors' names right.) And I'm not saying that I've got any particular quarrel with the Japanese -- not at all. This is just for context. Anyhoo...
I've met her parents, and they're not bigots by any means. To her parents' credit, she does know how to greet Japanese people in their language -- shows she's broadening her horizons, learning about cultures other than the one in her home. But how do you tell a sweet little girl that you're not from Japan, that you're from Korea, and the two are not the same?
Jane: Konichiwa.
me: Oh, you said "hello" in Japanese! That's great! But you know what, we're not from Japan, we're from Korea.
Jane: Konichiwa.
Uhh...
I was thinking about this little conversation on the way home, trying to figure out how to explain this to a little girl, or actually anybody, that it's not cool to expect Asians to speak any other Asian language than their own. It's a totally innocent mistake, but still, one that gets on my nerves. I've had to explain this to classmates ever since I was in second grade, I think. And I'm sure some of them still don't get it. And you know what, it won't stop with my generation. I'm pretty sure that my kids will have to deal with the same thing as they grow up. Elizabeth has already told me once or twice that people have called her Chinese. And even after she corrected them and said that she's not Chinese, that she's Korean, they still insisted she's Chinese.
Someone asked if I was Japanese less than two months ago. It's kind of a running joke in my family that I'm "some kind of Asian", because that was what my 7th grade English teacher guessed was my ethnicity. Kind of insulting if you think about it too hard (especially if I _actually_ was Asian), but pretty funny given the fact that I'm Mexican.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you and I were switched at birth. There has been more than one occasion when I was thought to be Mexican.
ReplyDeleteWell, anyong, Karen. Or some better spelling approximating that! The only other Korean I've learned was a phrase about being really tired, and I have to go think about it to even remember it.
ReplyDeleteNow having given this a lot of study (including my doctoral dissertation) and personal processing, I have to say this is the really sucky thing about any kind of "-ism," that a person doesn't have to be personally a huge bigot to participate. Even making it a focus of my inner life, I'm sure I still do or say thoughtless things that I haven't yet figured out are obviously prejudiced towards someone.
But you have such a generous spirit that you want to think the best of this little girl. Indeed, she can't help having learned racism growing up in this country. Perhaps she'll learn more about herself as she gets older, reject knee-jerk racism, and stop assuming such important things. I hope so.